Blackberries: When others speak badly about you.

Black­berries: When others speak badly about you

People talk. Unfortunately, not only about things that concern them and with direct addressees, but they are especially happy to talk about others in their absence. And so it has probably happened to everyone before that someone has been told things that third parties have said about them. The rumour mill churns away, and usually these are not compliments that are passed on to a person. Rather, one can discover a whole portfolio of hurtful comments in the discussions that people have behind other people's backs.

Gossip and Chit-chat

We talk about comments about appearance and figure, clothes, relationship status up to unkind statements about children and family. Even in office life, the rumour mill is churning and a company without gossip and chit-chat is hard to imagine. Here the competencies of the colleagues are doubted, successes and achievements
devalued and a person's every move analysed mercilessly. Often, of course, we do not even hear what's being said about us behind our backs. But often we do hear it. This is not only unpleasant, but in many cases very hurtful.

What can negative comments do to us?

Most people cannot handle negative comments about ourselves well. Especially if we do not get the criticism of our person personally and in direct communication in the sense of the famous "constructive criticism", but indirectly through third parties. But what happens in us when we learn negative things about ourselves? Here is an example: In the office, a colleague tells us that a colleague has said that you yourself aren't up to the task. So, a clear criticism of one's own competence.

Blackberries: When others speak badly about you

Checking and saving critique

First of all, this information comes to us and is checked. Do I also think that I am not up to the task? Normally, hopefully not. Nevertheless, we keep in mind that there is a doubt about our abilities and of course we do not want that. In any subsequent case where we or others doubt our abilities, those memories of the one colleague who has said that we're not capable of doing anything are recalled. If we do nothing to resolve this first comment, we become more and more sensitive when it comes to the point that our competence is critically questioned. In the worst case, we ourselves think that we cannot do anything.

The direct way is difficult …

If we find the criticism of the colleague to be hurtful and unjust, then we could go straight to the colleague and seek a direct conversation to clarify the issue. Normally this is also the first incentive. Direct contact to settle things. However, this is often not so simple. Especially because it's always hard when you do not hear something directly from someone, but through someone else. It is difficult for many to approach others and to address the topic, since it is known only by hearsay and the thing that has been said may not be true or the other just denies it.

Blackberries: Emotional Benefits

Revenge conflicts: Tit for tat!

But if we cannot clean up this one negative comment that has hurt us, then it leaves us with an uncomfortable feeling, and since we do not communicate about it, that negative comment remains like a shadow over us. In order to fight this shadow, we find other possibilities, such as also talking badly of the colleague. Almost as a small retaliatory measure. One simply strikes back, often with the same means as the attacker. In any case, we will avoid the colleague and see her as an enemy. The two lines get dug in and, in some cases, can result in a real personal war. And at some point, the chance of reconciliation is lost, and you are in the midst of an interpersonal conflict that is damaging for both parties. Such conflicts can last for years without the conflicting parties ever talking directly to each other.

Blackberries and feelings of revenge

But now the blackberries come into play. Anyone who has ever stood in the middle of blackberry bushes knows that you can barely free yourself from the midst of the prickly tendril of blackberries, without being hurt by the thorns of the blackberry. This is a very similar situation as in an interpersonal conflict characterized by hurt and counter-hurt. Blackberries are rose plants and form a particularly persistent network of thorny tendrils whose growth is hard to control. If blackberries are buried deep in the soil, they are always proliferating and are difficult to eliminate. Revenge feelings also have this property. Once there, they are very difficult to get rid of. It is enough to have an experience in which one is insulted, humiliated or hurt and we have no other reaction left than revenge on the person who causes it.

Blackberries: Overcome feelings of revenge

The other solution: Talking

The blackberry is one of the few plants that can intervene helpfully in such strong emotional injuries, which end in revenge conflicts in the style of "an eye for an eye". Blackberries break the communication bottleneck and help us to seek a direct conversation with the other party to the conflict. In our example with the colleague who said something negative, to seek direct conversation and to address the problem directly. Even with very deadlocked and long-standing conflicts, the blackberry can push back the negative feelings so that you can move one step at a time.

Blackberries: Better talking & listening

The blackberry is a real communication plant and also helps with conversation. Above all, it sharpens the senses involved in communication. For one, this is the ear, where blackberries make sure that we can hear what is spoken between the lines and not just the words said. This helps us to better understand how sentences are meant and why others say them. On the other hand, it helps our own language formation, i.e. vocal cords and larynx. Blackberries help us have a neutral conversation and communicate in harmony with the other. Here, the focus of the blackberry lies in daring to speak at all and speaking in a calm and neutral way. So, without pessimism, aggressiveness or sarcasm.

Blackberries: Better talking & listening

Blackberries: Neutrality and calm in conversations

Blackberries also lead us out of the trap of slipping into a perpetrator or victim attitude, so either only accuse or only to justify. With the help of the blackberry, a neutral exchange succeeds, which is characterized by understanding and respect towards the other. It gives calmness, inner peace and greater tolerance during communication. In addition, the blackberry does not let us lose the thread during communication and reminds us again and again of the actual goal of a conversation. In our case of conflict, it's about questioning a critical statement from a colleague and addressing the colleague directly regarding this comment. The overall goal of this conflict discussion is the resolution of the problem between the two colleagues. And here the blackberry also brings the necessary confidence to us that this conflict is even solvable.

Blackberries: Handling emotional injuries directly and avoiding revenge conflicts

In summary, blackberries are especially helpful for all types of emotional injury caused by other people. These include insults, humiliations, libel, fake news, unfairness, doubt about ability, criticism of looks, weight, clothing, etc. Blackberries intervene when the resolution of these conflicts is impossible, and you are plagued by feelings of revenge. Revenge is only a reaction to the hurt and can have very different forms. In this case, revenge works like a mirror. You just want the other to understand what has been done to you. If this is not possible through direct communication, you look for other ways to make the other understand what he has done. Blackberries help us to find the direct way: to speak with the other person in calmness. And that's actually all that's needed.


Important note:

All of the findings listed here are neither scientifically nor conventional medical evidence and form no basis for the treatment of physical and psychological symptoms, complaints or diseases. Under no circumstances do they replace the consultation of a physician, pharmacist or other medically trained personnel.

This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website.